MagiAwen’s Occult View

That was what the BBS ad said, “Psychic Partner Want”. I forget now all that was said but to get to the point, it was posted back in hmmm ‘94(?) I think and was an experiment in psychic type practices. Little did I know then what I was about to experience, it is still very difficult to put into words even after all these years of analyzing what took place. Technically what took place and what happened to me are two different things.

At the time I was just learning how to properly meditate and used those tecniques when we were to “link our minds”. I do not remember anymore what happened on the other end (His end)… but I do remember what happened on mine. He was in Hawaii and I was in Wisconsin. We had never met except for that posting and a telephone call or two. I remember laying on my futon with a huge chunk of amethyst crystals on my chest.

In theory I was using the crystal to help the vibration of my energy and to help me keep in a calm and harmonious state of mind. I still cannot put into words what I experienced at the time of the connection so the point of this article is not to prove or disprove what happened at the time…just what happened as a result of the meditation. The results were, simply, that it changed my life. It changed my view about life, energy, the Universe. Made me see things more clearly. Some of these things I did not want to see. I spent a large part of my life running away from my life and those that would want to help me and see me become something great. Soon after I started having horrible experiences when I slept. They, too are hard to put into words but I would write them down in a book when it happened.

This triggered several bouts of insomnia and for about three months I did not sleep but a few hours every few days. Then my mother started telling me about experiences with my father…he was having “episodes” while he slept. Small strokes. They seemed to coincide with my sleeping episodes to an alarming degree. My father had already had one large stroke. I had taken a trip to look at a college in Kentucky. It was beautiful. On the last night I had one of the worst of these night episodes and woke up after my flight had already taken off. I was hanging onto the mattress like I was being ripped away from it. Every muscle in my body hurt. It was awful. I called my mother to tell her I missed my plane and for advice on how to get on a new flight. My father had died that night while I was having my worst sleep episode. It’s funny how things change you. I never had the connection with my father before the psychic meditations and I can’t say that I enjoy the painful episodes I had and still have.

For a while it scared me and I wanted nothing to do with psychic or otherwise obscure meditations and practice. I disconnected myself with that world and those people. Now looking back on it…my personal journey has led me full circle again. I scared myself with my own energies and abilities and due to several life changing moments I came back through my own energies and abilities to the people that opened them up in the first place. No matter how much you run….you can never run away from yourself. Out of all the people in my life the ones who have inspired the most change/realization in me are my mother, my father and William Mistele.

Bill would say, I am sure, if you asked him that he taught me nothing. And it is true that from what I remember about our conversations, he was never an “instructor”. He just happened to unknowingly give me pieces to my puzzle I had been looking for. Though, when I found them, I ran away. I’m done running now. I “get it” and continue journeying for more understanding. And here I will share a writing of mine that came about long ago after a meditation…a short story/poem if you will:

 The Zephyr He says he is like a zephyr, flitting here and there.
He says he is like a pebble churning in the sand.
He says he is like a bubble floating upon the sea.
He says he is someone that is exactly who is me.

Asking for his name, I hope for a hint, a sign..he replies….

It is I that you see when you see who is me.
I am what you are and you are me.
I am the water in the sea.
I am a tree.
I am the flame that lights your soul, The wind that carries your heart.
I am what is and what will be.
You are me and I am you.
In the Great Voyage we are together but only as one.

Come dance with me.
Come dance with me in the moolit glow on top of the waves and through the air.
Come dance with me to the sun as she rises from her slumber.
Come dance with me in my loving embrace and feel as I feel.
The things that you feel are mine and yours alone; as we are together we are one.
Come dance with me and I will show you my peace and tell you the secrets I hold.
Remember when we were once together.
Remember how we were.
We can be again and you will remember me as I know you.
I have come back to you as I said I would, we are together again.
Remember that I am the one that left you behind.
The one you love, the one you knew but could never remember.

Like I said, I wrote the above after a meditation. It is extremely significant to me first of all because of the way it came to me, the way I wrote it and then eventually who it is actually about. It came to me after a meditation about my father. I wrote it on the computer after clearing my mind and just letting the words come out. I was not technically thinking with my conscious mind when I wrote that….it all came out of my subconscious. For a long time I had no idea who it was about…I thought for a while it was about Bill…then I thought for a while it was about just myself….higher consciousness showing itself…but no… it was about my father.